I had a moment last night,
The last few days I have been experiencing panic attacks. Its so not cool. I hate it. Arm goes numb , chest hurts, dizzy, total out of body kind of thing.Thought I was dying. Being a somewhat calm individual this has been very shocking, Zanax is my friend now ya might say.
Okay, nice, sweet and to the point, Death brought this on. I am horrified of death. Scares the crap out of me, as well most people I spose.
Now, I have never been one to have faith, I have always felt religion was a form of brainwash, God loves you so much, yet you screw up once and he'll send ya to hell.... but he loves you. Never made sense to me.
Until last night (I'm so dramatic aren't I)
Last night I saw the strangest thing, Im outside smoking (which is idiotic in my state right now) and I see four stars in the shape of the cross in the western sky, (check it out around 11:30 pm).
It told me I need to have faith in something, anything, to help me get through these attacks. It told me that i am not alone, and that there has to be something post-death.
I must have said the our father dozens of times during that first attack, and a few times a day since. I have found that it comforts me, it helps me with my breathing, and it helps me to believe that I am not alone.
I got my answer that night in the stars.
Now Im not going to go all preacher or anything, but damn.
I recently had a dear friend past away, I miss my friend.
Now I know, like that final scene in shawshank redemption, I will see my friend again he will be at myside, and the spam will flow like wine.
I love you all
joe
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3 comments:
"the spam will flow like wine."
that made me smile, joe. i think all of us are looking for something, ANYTHING, to give comfort at this point... i say take comfort in whatever works. i love ya, my friend.
When you saw the light, did James Brown ask you, "Do you see the light?" Cuz, that's the best theological way to respond to the light, don't ya know? That and a backflip while dancing up and down the aisle of the local baptist church while on the holy mission of God! Ain't that right Elwood?"
It happened in a hotel room in Norman, OK for me. Mine was a little less of the backflips, and more like the apes at the beginning of from 2001: A Space Odyssey. It finally made sense.
(Speaking of apes, I'm reminded of our one foray into stand-up comedy at the International Inn. The act involved you as Charlton Heston & me as Roddy McDowell. "Get your damn dirty paws off me, you dirty ape.".)
As cornball as it sounds, your journey's just beginning.
"It's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses."
"Hit it."
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